I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
