why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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