I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
They have beer where we have blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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