don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
