you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
