I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
even my farts smell like vagina
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
i need some magic done to my vagina
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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