Someone shit on the floor
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
