Kiss
Puke
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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