oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Randomize
