he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
