i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
