She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
