When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
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We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
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When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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