She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
