Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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