I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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