Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
