Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
