we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
