Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
