You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
