the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My vagina is officially offended.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
