We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
