If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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