Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
