i used baking grease as lip gloss
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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