My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
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