first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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