I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
