Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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