I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
