you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
