Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
