Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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