i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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