yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
