Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
