I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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