So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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