Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
This baby is an asshole
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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