I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
