my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
