you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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