People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
