I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
