I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
