I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
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sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
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Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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