hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
