just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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