Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize