just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
