we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
