Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
