You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
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why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
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I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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