we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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