awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
