The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
