remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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