Where did you get a picture of my penis
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Randomize
