so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
