the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
