absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
