it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My butt remains clenched, sir.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize