Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
