Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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