dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
