By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
