hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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