Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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