Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
