Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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