Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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