you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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