Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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