Apparently you make a good broom.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
