apparently the secret to your success is patron
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
