we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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