A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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