dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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