Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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