One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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