i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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