She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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