I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
