What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
