Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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